Over the years I have had to have my animals put to sleep.
It was always over in less than a minute. A few months ago, I took my cat to the vet because she was old and very sick. The vet injected her in the stomach and said it would paralyze her and then she would die. She tried to stand and couldn't and it took at least twenty minutes for her to die. I sat in the room with her and the vet came in a couple of times and finally he said she was gone. I will never forget how she died. Was she aware the whole time that she couldn't move? Was she frightened? What was wrong with the old way?

Dear Reina:
My beloved cat Bugle was very sick with kidney failure (cause of death for 90% of domestic felines) and after getting two different veterinarians opinions, I stayed with him for 10 minutes...holding him in my arms and loving him as we always did, and he looked at me and then rubbed hislips on my habds...as if to say :"its OK...Im ready"...After that, the vet came in and injected him with the shot that would put him into a quiet sleep, all the while I held him and kissed him and told him I loved him... then she said his heart has stopped beating. They placed him in a little casket box and I took him home and buried him in the yard where he always ran and played, right under his favorite bush, I still cry myself to sleep... even thoough I am a grown man, a Colonel with lots of combat expeirence and over 65 years of age! That cat meant everything to me ... I have a little stone on his grave and it says: "Bugle.. my beloved cat. You were so smart, and so loving. I shall mourn you every day for the rest of my life!"...
and I believe those are the truest words ever spoken. I love him and I miss him more than many people I have known and lost. I am sorry for your loss ... and I know how you must feel. I hope this comforts you some... Love, COL Bright

Dear Reina,

I don't know that there is any good way or good time for your pet to pass on. Sweet Havoc was a 5y/o black lab mix that had an incurable disease. We loved him so much we didn't want to admit that it was time to let him go. We're not sure of what Havoc was or wasn't aware except that we were there with him. I think that's what matters most. He needed and wanted us there and we were. He died just before Thanksgiving and I still often find myself crying and feeling completely helpless. What has also helped is that we have a great relationship with our vet and the staff at the clinic. I believe there has to be a feeling of respect and trust between both parties. The doctors and staff knew and respected the relationship we had with Havoc. If you don't feel you have that with your current vet maybe it's time to look elsewhere.
Your beloved cat knew you were there, find comfort in that. She knew you loved her.
Loretta

COL Bright,

I thought I was the only 60+ year old former soldier that cried over a cat. "LC" (for "Lew's Cat", but we called here "Elsie")was a stray found searching the trashbins at Fort Leavenworth. Nearly starved, she accepted the only thing I had on me at the time to eat -- a package of saltine crackers!!

LC essentially adopted us, instead of the other way around, and she travelled the Army posts with us -- even to Germany, where she developed hemobartinella, and we almost lost her. That cat had a lot of spunk and a will to live. Anyway, if I was on a trip, she would stay in front of the door most of the time until I returned. She was more than a lap cat. In Germany, when she was in the pet hospital, when her cage would open, she would jump up on my shoulder, IV and all, as if to say "save me, I'm afraid".

Just as with your Bugle, LC developed kidney failure, but this after eating some of the Chinese pet food. Strange, we were always so picky about her food, but this was a name brand, and recommended by the vet, so we thought it was safe. I know it's probably unChristian, but the Chinese official responsible for this was executed, and I don't feel that was inappropriate. I can only wish that would bring LC back. I still see her, in the corner of my eye, dashing across the floor.

And, I can never forgive myself for letting the vet inject the concoction that stopped her heart. I know consciously that it was the only thing to do, and the best thing for her, but somehow I feel like I killed my best friend.

She had a distinct personality that will never be replaced, and she got me through some very tough times, simply by coming up, lying across my arms and purring. How on earth she would know just when I needed comforting, I'll never know.

I miss that cat terribly -- and I always will.

MAJ Lew Mashburn

Her name was "Precious" a red tabby cat. I used to refer to her in a joking yet loving way as a "domesticated alley cat". She was with us just shy of 19 years. She was like my own daughter. We were truly "joined at the hip". She went down suddenly with kidney failure. I took her to the vet and the vet said that she might not recover and there was nothing that could be done. That evening she suffered a heart attack which left half of her heart not functioning. She was gasping for breath and was suffering. I held her in my lap throughout the night and the following morning I took her to the vet and had her put to sleep. I brought her home and kept her unburied until my wife came in from work. We had a private funeral for her and then I buried her in our back yard. This happened in April of 2004 and I think of her every day and still grieve for her. I will never get over her loss and I don't want to ever forget her. As a Christian I have a hope of resurrection. I also have a hope that one of the joys of being in the new heaven and new earth will not only be reunion with family and friends, but also with our pets. My God is that great.

Her name was "Precious" a red tabby cat. I used to refer to her in a joking yet loving way as a "domesticated alley cat". She was with us just shy of 19 years. She was like my own daughter. We were truly "joined at the hip". She went down suddenly with kidney failure. I took her to the vet and the vet said that she might not recover and there was nothing that could be done. That evening she suffered a heart attack which left half of her heart not functioning. She was gasping for breath and was suffering. I held her in my lap throughout the night and the following morning I took her to the vet and had her put to sleep. I brought her home and kept her unburied until my wife came in from work. We had a private funeral for her and then I buried her in our back yard. This happened in April of 2004 and I think of her every day and still grieve for her. I will never get over her loss and I don't want to ever forget her. As a Christian I have a hope of resurrection. I also have a hope that one of the joys of being in the new heaven and new earth will not only be reunion with family and friends, but also with our pets. My God is that great.

This was a tough one --- the first time, we had had our dog for almost 18 years, but had another (new) one, and one that she had been with for the past 7 years... Within a month or so, we got another dog --- same breed, only totally different... More for companionship for the "new" one... When the older one died last year, it was different... He was a big dog, and had been with me during my mom's illness, and ultimate passing... He was also my son's dog... Even though we had the two 'little ones," this dog was very special... In both cases,when we got home, we said the traditional Jewish Kaddish (prayer), and lit a "Yawrtzeit candle, " a memorial candle that Jewish people light on the eve (before) the anniversary of the passing... they also do it when someone passes...
Losing a pet is a grief process that takes a lot of time... Photos and constant talk keep your pet alive... Also, a lot of novelty or gift shops sell "Angel" dogs and cats... We have one for each one of our dogs that died...

No matter what, it is so hard !

I forgot to add I've never cried so much in my life... my husband, too. Our two dogs were our kids !

I rescued a little abandoned alley cat I named Enkidu. He was a wonderful little cat but had already been infected with lukemia before I took him in. The last month of his life he required constant nursing and I stayed with him 24/7 except when I had to go to sleep (I work at home). I had talked to the vet about what to do when the time came but I had such mixed feelings about it, by the time I knew he was dying I thought he was in too much pain to be moved so I just stayed with him and tried to make him as comfortable as possible till the end of his life. After he died, we wrapped him in beautiful cloth and flowers and held a funeral for him and buried him in the backyard. I cried for many days after that - I still cry over it. I could have had him put to sleep the day the vet told me he would die soon, and I still wonder if I did the right thing, but I just couldn't do it. I drew alot of pictures of him in my journal and that helped, so did the funeral. When I die I hope to see him again.

Hunny Bunny was my kid. It was always just her and I, and she was my best friend. We decided to let someone else in our lives, my husband.

Hunny Bunny was getting sick, old, tired, and was obviously in pain. I mourned her 6 months before we ever had her put to sleep. I knew it was coming, but I just couldn't do it to her. She was my precious wonderful kitty.

It got to the point that I knew it was coming, so I rescued a little dog to bring home, BEFORE I put Hunny Bunny to sleep, something so that my house wouldn't be completely empty after Hunny Bunny went to Rainbow Bridge. That really helped me. I didn't love Hunny Bunny less, but I was able to let Jacky into my life and that did ease the pain of my loss, some. I will always love Hunny Bunny, but Jacky is the light of my life now too.

We had a funeral for my kitty, my husband, best friend and I attended. It was beautiful and appropriate. I loved that cat. She was so human, so beautiful. I can't wait to see her waiting for me...

We had to put down all 4 dogs that we'd had since my grown daughters were small. Every time was horrible, but I knew it was my responsibility as a pet owner to end their suffering. For one dog, Rosie, in particular, I felt overwhelming guilt and for one whole year, would actually sit in my cubicle at work and cry everyday. Everyday. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I finally called my vet as asked her if she was sure I had done the right thing. She nearly cried when she learned how guilty I had felt for the whole year since we put Rosie to sleep. She reassured me that it was the best thing for the dog. I still tear up thinking about her. Some people react to their dogs' passing with refusing to even consider getting another dog. I think that is a big mistake because dog lovers need a dog to love. Of course, grieving time is personal and nobody should ever try to take away our pain by surprising us with a new dog or puppy. It is personal and I think connecting with a dog is such a fantastic experience, that to rob someone of it is a shame. We try to put human emotions on our dogs, but I do believe our dogs would not want to see us so sad and lonesome without them. There is a dog out there waiting for a dog lover to find them. Loving a dog is part of what makes us so very human. If anyone feels guilt after putting down a beloved pet, I urge you to speak to your vet because we forget how sick or old they were and we question whether we really did the right thing. No one puts down their pet without knowing somewhere in your heart that it is the right time. Let your vet assure you that the best thing for your beloved companion was indeed done.

Boomer had been there for me through horrible times in my life. Things had turned around and I had moved about an hour away and had to leave he and his brother, Barkley behind until our new house was done being remodeled. The night before Valentines Day I got a call from my mother, Boomer had been hit by a car on the road. My initial thought - reaction - is he okay? When she spoke the words..."honey, he's dead" I lost it. I'm tearing up right now. Yesterday I made it all day without crying but the pain is still so strong. When will the hurt go away?

Our beloved cats died on 12/31/07 due to a house fire. My husband and I barely escaped with our lives. It has been one of the most traumatic things I've gone through in my life. My husband asked me to flee while he tried getting the cats to safety because the flames were already shooting up to our front door. He stayed behind for what seemed like an eternity, but when I saw him come back empty-handed, I prayed the firefighters would be able to stop the fire from continuing to spread so fast. Once I saw the flames coming out of our bedroom windows and the smoke billowing from the doors, I knew in my heart that our beloved babies were gone. I fell to my knees and let out a howl I'd never heard myself cry before. It's been just over a month and a half and mine and my husband's hearts will always be shattered over losing them. They were our babies and we miss them dearly.

Monica, I am so sorry to hear that. My pain is still so very fresh as well. I feel like our babies will forever be with us, but I still cry everyday and it's been just over a month and a half. I made an altar for them where we pray to them and printed the obituary I put in the local paper for them next to candles I light for them. I actually have moments where I think of them and not cry, but those are very few and far between. Hang in there...my prayers are with you.

My beloved cocker spaniel of 11 years was diagnosed with cancer on June 11th and given approximately 6 months to live. He has a large tumor on his hind quarters and the cancer is all through is body. He is still alive and doing well under the circumstances. He is not in pain but I see his health declining a little every day. I have been mourning the loss of this dog since June 11th. I can hardly bear the thought of actually putting him down. I have two other dogs, one I have had for 12 years and the other for 7 years. I am worried that I will lose two at one time. The cocker and the older dog are very close. Speaking of feeling guilty! I opted no treatment plan for my cocker. This decision was made after conversations with 2 vets. The cancer is so advanced that treatment probably would not be effective and surgery to remove the tumor may have shortened the time he had left, plus it would have definitely diminished his quality of life. As soon as I see pain in his beautiful chocolate colored eyes, I will do the right thing and put him down. He has been my buddy for more than 11 years and I know he would not let me suffer. I am prepared to cry for a very long time.

Monica - I read your post and I immediately identified with your story. We lost our little cocker spaniel Johnny that same night - also hit by a car. It's really snowy here, and I let him out in the back yard to do his business. A few minutes later there was a knock at my front door and this man asked me if that was my dog. At the same time a lady in the driveway asked me if I had a cocker. When I said yes, the man said "Well he's gone." I understood he had gotten out front, but I thought he meant he ran up the road. I'll never forget the image of seeing him. I feel totally responsible for not checking the back gate, and for not just taking him for a walk. He wasn't even 2 years old yet, but he was my goofball of a little buddy. A very affectionate little guy, whose face and wagging stubby tail, I miss dearly.

Thanks to all of you for sharing your grief over the loss of your beloved pets. Each of them I can relate to the grief. I have the sweetest Brittany now whose name is Katie and she is a doll. She goes everywhere with me and is so loving. I cannot bear to think of her death as I have gone through it with my previous two and four legged family members. I remember when we lost Molly a previous beloved Brittany and I called my employer and told her that I had lost a member of my family and could not come into work. She was sooo understanding and upon returning to work found cards on my desk from the employees. When Molly's puppies were born, years before I gave each employee a big fresh peach off our tree to announce the birth of those five prescious creatures. I feel sorry for people who don't have a special bond with the animal kingdom. They have no idea what they are missing.

Thanks so much for sharing .

Thanks to all of you for sharing your grief over the loss of your beloved pets. Each of them I can relate to the grief. I have the sweetest Brittany now whose name is Katie and she is a doll. She goes everywhere with me and is so loving. I cannot bear to think of her death as I have gone through it with my previous two and four legged family members. I remember when we lost Molly a previous beloved Brittany and I called my employer and told her that I had lost a member of my family and could not come into work. She was sooo understanding and upon returning to work found cards on my desk from the employees. When Molly's puppies were born, years before I gave each employee a big fresh peach off our tree to announce the birth of those five prescious creatures. I feel sorry for people who don't have a special bond with the animal kingdom. They have no idea what they are missing.

Thanks so much for sharing .

Two years ago, on Thanksgiving night, I lost my puppy Chico. I still feel the guilt of losing him. The horrifying moment when I knew it was too late. He was coming back to me after crossing the road. I had seen the car, thinking back, I'm not sure if I could have really changed it. I witnessed his accident and let out a cry, that I was told was bone chilling. I just remember freaking out very helpless as the neighbors next door just stared at me. I still have nightmares where I wake up screaming.
But out of this tragedy I received a blessing, a little answer to my broken heart. I and my family went to the same pet store we had gotten Chic. When I walked in I immediatly spotted a little white puppy face staring out of the same cage we had found our little Chico. Turns out she came from the same breeder and her sire's name is ironically Chico. It was a great comfort to have her in my life. Although, I miss Chico, I would have never met and fell in love with my little Neela. Plus she has befriended my other dog, Missy and have been inseperable since bringing Neela home.
Growing up, I've heard people say thing's like it's just an animal, or it's just a dog, not big deal. Our cats and dogs, any little furry crittier we bring into out hearts, are more than just an animal they are family and when we lose them, it hurts just as bad as losing a human loved one.
My heart and prayers are with all of you.

I lost my Poodle Precious October 26, 2007, and I have cried every day , I don't think there is a way to ever get over the pain, She was my baby for 12 years, and I loved her dearly, I can't say her name without crying, She was a sweetie and as her name says Precious,She had a heart murmer, and was on heart medication, she had developed a really bad cough and act like she was strangling sometimes, My husband took her to be groomed and apparently it ws too much for her and she started hassling and her tongue turned Black, We rushed her to the vet and he gave her lasic and tried to get rid of the fluid but he said she had a really bad heart and could not shke it, We finally told him to go ahead and put her out of her suffering , She just could not breathe, We could not stay in there, I just could not see her die, The vet wrapped her in her blanket and a plastic bag and handed her to me , I have never cried or grieved so bad in my life,. This happened FRi, afternoon and I held her until I went to bed, then I lay her on the couch and got up the next morning and picked her up again and the pain started all over, I told my husband I could not let her go, Finally around 2;00 he dug a grave by my window and placed her in her bed in an iced chest and wrapped it in plastic and put her in her grave , about 3 feet deep, I miss her and love her with all my heart.

I lost my best friend, Sabra, of 15 1/2 years on May 2, 2006. She had become paralyzed from discs fusing in her spine and could no longer move around well. The day I took her to my veterinarian to be checked, I knew deep down inside, was the time to let her go. Never had I felt such intense pain in my life.
My veterinarian helped me accept what I needed to have done. A man of great compassion, he also agreed with my request to have Sabra sedated before the euthanasia shot was given, and I chose to stay with her to the end. The sedative put her into a deep sleep and as the final shot was given, I laid on the floor with my best friend, and felt a part of me die along with her.
Dr. Posey let me stay with Sabra for as long as I needed. When the time came to leave, I knew I had done the right thing. The greatest love in the world is an unselfish love, and it would have been selfish of me to allow my dog to continue suffering.
I chose to have Sabra cremated and her ashes returned to me. I purchased a wooden memorial box to place the container of ashes into. In this way, she will always be with me...forever.

I lost my beloved Pixie a loving,loyal Toy Rat Terrier after suddenly being diagnosed with a cancer tumor on her liver, there was nothing more they could do for her except keep her comfortable with pain meds, she was given possibly 6 months, but only lived 6 weeks and died when I left her for the first time which was only long enough to get her some other food at thestore. It is almost a year since she has left me and I still cry and miss her so much. I have other dogs that I love but they cannot take the pain away from losing her. One month before she died, one of my other terriers, Misty died suddenly in my arms, vet says she must have had a blood clot that was never detected, she had no symptoms. Now I have a 16 yr. old Rat Terrier, Peanut that I should be put to rest, but I cannot bring myself to do it,I have had so much loss in a year, I feel like I could die. How do I do this for her?

To all of those who have lost a beloved pet, I feel your pain as well as the feeling of loss and emptiness. When I was teenager our dog Queenie whom we had had since was 6 month old had developed some sort of illness(to this day I'still not sure what it was or if was just old age[she was almost 16 at the time])being a clean dog when she lost control of her bodily functions i e her bowels, I went with my dad to take her to the vet to have her put to sleep. I can remember going with my dad into the back room of the vets and putting her on the table, then running out of the office bawling like a little child, I sat in the car and just cried so hard until my dad came out of the office and I knew she was gone and was at rest. Most recently after a horrible bout with fleas, I lost my boy Max who slipped away from me in my arms. Here it is 2 years later and I still miss him terribly and often "feel" him hopping up on my/his bed at night. To lose a pet is like losing a part of yourself. Just writing this has made my eyes well up, one never truely "gets over" losing a pet.

It is never easy when a beloved pet passes or has to be put to sleep. As a young boy I felt this enormous feeling of sorrow and sadness when we had to put our dog Queenie to sleep because of old age(she was almost 16)we had had her since was 6 month's old. I can still remember the day we took her to the vet, I went with my dad to the vets office, we took her into the back room and put her on the table I then immediately ran out of the office and sat in the car and bawled like a little child, she had been my friend and my playmate for so many years, it was hard to have to let her go. Most recently after a horribly nasty bout with fleas I lost my boy Max because of anemia from the fleas. I watched him slip away from me in my arms, now 2 years later I still miss him terribly, and sometimes I can "feel" him jump on the bed and lay down by my feet. Luckily his brother/littermate Scooter nad adopted sister Vanity are still with me. Max was just 5 when I lost him. As Anonymous said, no matter what it is never easy.

To all of those who have lost a beloved pet, I feel your pain as well as the feeling of loss and emptiness. When I was teenager our dog Queenie whom we had had since was 6 month old had developed some sort of illness(to this day I'still not sure what it was or if was just old age[she was almost 16 at the time])being a clean dog when she lost control of her bodily functions i e her bowels, I went with my dad to take her to the vet to have her put to sleep. I can remember going with my dad into the back room of the vets and putting her on the table, then running out of the office bawling like a little child, I sat in the car and just cried so hard until my dad came out of the office and I knew she was gone and was at rest. Most recently after a horrible bout with fleas, I lost my boy Max who slipped away from me in my arms. Here it is 2 years later and I still miss him terribly and often "feel" him hopping up on my/his bed at night. To lose a pet is like losing a part of yourself. Just writing this has made my eyes well up, one never truely "gets over" losing a pet.

My love affair with my dogs began as an eight year old boy riding home with my very own golden cocker puppy in my arms. We fell asleep, belly to tee shirt. I was covered with urine and excrement before we had gone the 70 miles to home, but I did not care. Twelve years later TAFFY was so riddled with cancer she had been relegated to the back door hall stairway. Mother said she stank and shedded too much for decent people. I came home from college to have Taffy put down; my innocent childhood friend. I had to do the job because she was mine.

I am now in my late 60's, and remain in grief over TAFFY'S death. I held her as she died.

At age 28, after college, graduate school and four years in the USAF during the (very) early Vietnam Years, my beautiful new wife announced..."I want a a baby or a dog!" Enter CockaPoo, HEIDI.

Heidi spooned with my wife as she nursed our children. Pulled then from harm's way (a la Coppertone ads), and raised our kids as her own. She developed diabetes and died in my arms.

Then came CHUMMY, a Lhasa Ahpso too daring, too happy, too young, too loving...run over by her own family. Meg... a beautiful soul packaged within a half sized Golden Lab.
MEG, the mutt who claimed my Jeep as a nest for her last year while dying of organ failure, submitting to the "humane" injection, licking my hand once more after her heart stopped.

Now we have JOSIE, a clownish and lovingly tender Brittany. My "bird hunting" dog; sleeps in our bed, grooms our grandchildren, and us, before bed. Wet and comforting.

I believe in hunting and fishing; using what we harvest. I also believe that every living thing has a spark of God in them. Some larger, some smaller. I believe that spark deserves respect and love.

We are each a part of the ecology of our world.

But with our pets, these creatures who make us more human and by their nurture enrich our hungry souls, with them, or our children, risking emotional investment is never an option. It is an imperative of our world, and our humanity.

Two weeks ago I put my dog Kobie to sleep. I had the doberman mid for 11 years. I was 10 when we got her, and she followed me everywhere. She would go out of her way to let everyone know that I was hers. She slept in my room, sometimes in my bed. If I stayed out late, she would sleep by the door until I came home and wait in front of the bathroom while I finished getting ready for bed. She was always so graceful, playful, and active. When she started gaining weight we made fun of her a little for being old. Soon she had trouble breathing, her skin would flake off, and she got so fat she couldnt curl when she slept. We took her to the vet to complete a routine "senior profile" and she was diagnosed with cushings. Over the past 6 months I watched her quick decline in health. She wouldnt play with my parents 2 other dogs, she continued to gain weight dispite the medications she was on, and her stomach felt hard and swollen. The day we took her, she knew. She wouldnt get out of the car, and when they put the capheter in her, she stayed by me dispite my whole family being there. For 30 minutes she paced while we were waiting for her to fall asleep. They injected her a second time because the first dose didnt make her fall asleep. As they were injecting her, she looked at me in the eyes and I will never forget that. The pain...I waited until she fell asleep, and I left before they could inject her with the deadly dose.

I killed my best friend, and my biggest fear is that she will not forgive me. I still cry as i mourn the loss of the best friend i will ever have, and her death still haunts my dreams.

I just got finished reading all the letters submitted on: Dealing with the loss of a Pet. Gosh, how does a person put into words the way they feel when they have just lost or is losing a part of their life. I have recently (Sat. morning, Nov.17, 2007) lost my FlamePoint Himmy. He was my 10 year old baby spoiled boy, he was very smart, did tricks and would obey commands. He was always into something he should'nt have been when he was a baby and very young. His problem, He was very curious about every thing around him. He would watch when I would open a door etc. and he would try to do it himself in time. I broke down and cryed after reading almost every one of the letters I read. I really don't think words can explain how a person feels when they lose a (pet) loved one. They become part of you and you never get over losing one. The many loves we have lost, only to pray that someday we will be reunited. I believe this. Read: Ecclesiastes 3:18-22 in your bible. And you will believe too, that animals have souls. So we all will be together again. I sure pray that this will help everyone who has lost someone they love.

i felt so relieved to read all these comments, my axylerose, or puti as he was also called has been in heaven for over a year. i cannot stop grieving for him. god forgive me, but i did'nt grieve either of my parents this much. i thought there was something wrong with me, but i feel a little better now that i read that other people still grieve after so many years. axylerose was the most personable cat i ever saw. he was a beautiful tuxedo with fat marshmallow paws. i love him dearly and he always gave mommy unconditional love. when either i or my daughter were sick he would not leave our side. he was responsible for converting at least a dozen confirmed not-cat people into cat lovers, and i am not saying these things because he was my cat, although he was perfect. axyle was fifteen years old and after having pneumonia three times, which he recovered from but each time i could see that it took its toll on him because he was an older cat. i know this sounds cowardly, but towards the end i woke up every morning thinking, or hoping that he would have died peacefully in his sleep. he lost the use of his back legs and and bodily functions. unfortunately i did not have the financial means to take him to a private vet to be put to sleep where i could have held him till he was gone, i had to take him to the humane society where you have to drop them off and leave. i know that axyle can forgive me for not being with him at the end, but i am still finding it difficult to forgive myself. but after all he will be with me forever. my mother was a christian woman but not an animal lover and she always said that animals dont go to heaven. if god can forgive us, being sinners and far from perfect, why wouldnt he have my axylerose with him, healthy and strong running through the clouds. i have to be good because i want to be with axylerose for ever. thank you, i think i feel a little better.

I've been through the loss of 3 dogs, one just 8 years ago and after he died I looked for anything I could find about animals in Heaven, and I can assure everyone that they do go to Heaven and we will see them again. Jack Van Impe has a DVD called "Animals in Heaven", which has helped a lot and also proves that they are there waiting for us. His website is www.jvim.com.

I lost two of my babies within a two year period about six years ago. Bitty was taken from my yard and tied to another dog. She was hit and killed by a car. Two years later Nanook ended up really sick and the vet had no clue what was wrong with her. She ended up passing away at home. Then just a few months ago i had to put down my two fifteen year old dogs who were pretty blind, deaf and were both losing bowel control. The pain from each of my babies deaths is still fresh and it will always hurt but like with a humans passing we learn to rember and move forward. I hang on to each of their memories and wait for the day that I will cross the Rainbow Bridge and see each one of my beloved babies.

When my ex husband and I lost our pet Pomeranian Penny Anne after being our only child for 10 years both of us didn't stay at home for over a week....why bother when there was nothing waiting to come home to. My heart ached for another litle girl to love and I began my search a few weeks following Penny's death. I tried so hard to get another female from the same breeder who by then was also a top handler of show poms but for various reasons this was not to be. But I did find her again...in another kennel in a small town in Tennessee. When I picked up this tiny, little female puppy, the only girl out of five litters, and her little pink tongue licked my face I knew my baby girl had returned to me. Scarlett was born exactly 10 days after our beloved Penny left us and to this day I really believe it's the same pom. The first thing Scarlett did upon entering our home was to jump right into "her" former chair as if she'd never been gone! This time Penny, now CH. Raine's Rhett Butler's Dream aka Scarlett, is not only a breed champion but was bred to the number one pom in the country in his day, the mother of two breed champions and the grand-mother of my only boy CH. Janesa's Rhett Butler's Romance of Belle Tara aka Butler. My Penny "Scarlett" will be with me for all time now thru her daughters, granson and hopefully someday great-puppy. CH. Scarlett is now 12 and like the beautiful little girl before her I dread the day when I will loose her because as much as I will always have a reminder of her thru my small group of her children no two pups are ever entirely alike and the show memories and friends I have acquired thru Scarlett thru the years can never, ever be replaced. My niece Emily as the number one Junior Handler of Poms in 2002 showing my Scarlett at Westminister as the alltime Junior toy dog team will be engrained in my mind forever. I will always have these memories and the memories of the poms after her and that's why I chose to breed just a select few.
The story of my Scarlett and the reason I have her... because of my precious little Penny...is one I intend to keep going until all of us meet again at The Rainbow Bridge.

When my ex husband and I lost our pet Pomeranian Penny Anne after being our only child for 10 years both of us didn't stay at home for over a week....why bother when there was nothing waiting to come home to. My heart ached for another litle girl to love and I began my search a few weeks following Penny's death. I tried so hard to get another female from the same breeder who by then was also a top handler of show poms but for various reasons this was not to be. But I did find her again...in another kennel in a small town in Tennessee. When I picked up this tiny, little female puppy, the only girl out of five litters, and her little pink tongue licked my face I knew my baby girl had returned to me. Scarlett was born exactly 10 days after our beloved Penny left us and to this day I really believe it's the same pom. The first thing Scarlett did upon entering our home was to jump right into "her" former chair as if she'd never been gone! This time Penny, now CH. Raine's Rhett Butler's Dream aka Scarlett, is not only a breed champion but was bred to the number one pom in the country in his day, the mother of two breed champions and the grand-mother of my only boy CH. Janesa's Rhett Butler's Romance of Belle Tara aka Butler. My Penny "Scarlett" will be with me for all time now thru her daughters, granson and hopefully someday great-puppy. CH. Scarlett is now 12 and like the beautiful little girl before her I dread the day when I will loose her because as much as I will always have a reminder of her thru my small group of her children no two pups are ever entirely alike and the show memories and friends I have acquired thru Scarlett thru the years can never, ever be replaced. My niece Emily as the number one Junior Handler of Poms in 2002 showing my Scarlett at Westminister as the alltime Junior toy dog team will be engrained in my mind forever. I will always have these memories and the memories of the poms after her and that's why I chose to breed just a select few.
The story of my Scarlett and the reason I have her... because of my precious little Penny...is one I intend to keep going until all of us meet again at The Rainbow Bridge.

A couple of months ago my dog lou lou developed a brain tumor and within a month she had to be put to sleep. This decision was one of the hardest I have had to make but she was such a good dog the 9 years we had her I could not allow her anymore pain because I was too afraid to make the choice, our vet agreed that it was the best thing to do and I still think it was but I still feel lost without her waiting at the door everytime I get home and lying with me on the couch watching TV. This is the first time in my life without a canine companion and I don't know whether or not to get a new one although I do know that I can never replace such a great dog like lou lou.

I'm very grateful to everyone who's posted and shared their heartbreaking stories. I'm 21 and my dog, Shadow (black lab, husky, german shepard mix) is 15. My family has had her since a puppy (since I was 7). She's been having seizures for quite a few years and joint problems as well. Some days she barely moves and others it's like she's a puppy again. A couple of days ago she was very sick and she had a seizure. It was just my mom and I was visiting (I live in town but with my fiance and we're having a baby).

This weekend is rare because all of my siblings are home from college, Kait, Sarah, and Ben and my mom asked if they wanted to know when Shadow passed because they most likely won't be here when it happens. I am extremely distraught even though I try not to be for the baby's sake. It's just extremely difficult because she's such an amazing animal. She can tell when I'm having a bad day and I just kneel down and she puts her paws up on my shoulders, rests her head on one shoulder and gives me a hug. I can talk to her and I swear she understands and she even talks back. I think the cutest thing is when I says 'I love you' although it sounds more like "I rove roo". I can take her on walks and do so without a leash (it's a small town) and she just trots by my side. When I used to live with my parents I'd sneak into the living room and crawl onto the mattress that she sleeps on and she'd cuddle up to me.

And now I'm almost entirely sure she knows I'm pregnant because when she greets me she looks at my stomach and she'll wink at my tummy bump almost like she's asking me how I am. A few years ago my mom babysat for a teacher's year-old baby and Shadow became a second mother- she'd watch Myria like a hawk (even though my mom was never out of sight) and grunt when she knew something was wrong and if my mom went to the bathroom and Myria started crying my dog would run to the door and whine for my mom. I hope Shadow lives for a while longer so she can see my baby and of course, because I'm extremely selfish and I wish she'd just live forever. She is my only pet and even though Dave (my fiance) and I tried to get another puppy for us (our landlord of that time wouldn't allow a dog over 60 lbs- we fell in love with a german shepard/wolf mix that would be a well over 100 lb. adult- so we couldn't get her), I could never replace Shadow.

I've written far too much but I just want to thank everyone again for the small amount of solace I have gotten from your posts. Here's to all of the devoted pet-lovers and even if I have never met a single one of you, knowing you are among the most compassionate people in the world.

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a "best friend".For those of you who feel guilty ( for whatever reason)try not to- remember all the love & good times you shared with your pet, and the happiness you brought to each other.This is what is most important.The time of the actual loss of our pet is measured as an inch out of the miles & miles of wonderful memories,fun times & shared love. There is no simple way to get over a loss( how could there be!)but your pet will live in your heart forever! My grief has been helped by doing an act of kindness in memory of their life- I have done it soon after their passing and then repeat it yearly on their birthday. It need not cost a lot of money- feed the birds, make a small donation to an animal shelter in their name, I've worked a shift for someone who needed the day off- do whatever you chose but do it in your pets name. I also try, sometimes throught tears, to remember a happy time a treasured time we had shared, or just some of their wonderful, funny special ways each day. Remember too that there are so many animals who need homes. They will never replace our lost love, but we have been granted, I think by God, the capacity to love. I think the best tribute to our lost loved ones is to love again- THEY taught us how!!! Carol

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a "best friend".For those of you who feel guilty ( for whatever reason)try not to- remember all the love & good times you shared with your pet, and the happiness you brought to each other.This is what is most important.The time of the actual loss of our pet is measured as an inch out of the miles & miles of wonderful memories,fun times & shared love. There is no simple way to get over a loss( how could there be!)but your pet will live in your heart forever! My grief has been helped by doing an act of kindness in memory of their life- I have done it soon after their passing and then repeat it yearly on their birthday. It need not cost a lot of money- feed the birds, make a small donation to an animal shelter in their name, I've worked a shift for someone who needed the day off- do whatever you chose but do it in your pets name. I also try, sometimes throught tears, to remember a happy time a treasured time we had shared, or just some of their wonderful, funny special ways each day. Remember too that there are so many animals who need homes. They will never replace our lost love, but we have been granted, I think by God, the capacity to love. I think the best tribute to our lost loved ones is to love again- THEY taught us how!!! Carol

I lost "Jack," a 14-year-old thoroughbred to a horrific accident three weeks ago. He and I had competed together for 7 years, forming a bond of trust & love that only other animal lovers can understand. I had to move to north Texas last year b/c mmother's husband passed away, and I felt she needed me. I brought Jack with me, and he lived in the field behind our home. Knowing horses are herd animals, it always bothered me that he lived alone, so when a frined offered to let me "borrow" his daughter's small pony to live with Jack, I never hesitated. Unfortunatley, Jack spooked when he first saw the pony, paniced, and tried to jump the fence. He did not clear it, and instead, landed squarely on top of a pole, impaling himself. At the time, all I thought had happened was that he had not cleared the fence and that he was straddling it. While I held him up as best I could to prevent him from falling over and possibly breaking a leg, I called the two vets in town that I knew of. One was out of town, but the second one was in his office. I was told that neither he nor his partner made house calls. I BEGGED her to ask one of them to come, if nothing else to make Jack comfortable while the sheriff's department, the department of transportation, and my friends tried to free him. I told her I was less than ten minutes from their office & that I would pay whatever they wanted, but to no avail. So my horse stayed impaled on that fence while I help him up for OVER ONE HOUR. Fianlly, some men together were abel to lift him up and over, and by then it was too late to save him. Unbeknownst to me, his intestines had already begun to slip out of him.
By that time, my mother had called one other ver that I did not know of, who graciously showed up just before Jack was lifted from the fence. The closest veterinarian who was equipped to help Jack was three hours away, and the local vet told me he did not think Jack could make it that far. So I made the most horrible decision I have ever had to make in my life. He is now buried under an oak tree, but I am not yet able to visit his grave. My guilt at having let him down overwhelms me: bringing him to a place where equine health care was sub-par and not foreseeing his reaction to the pony.
Jack was a fighter. He had to be. His first job was as a racehorse, his second as a steeplechase horse where he was run into a wall and air-vac'd to a facility where he fought for months to live and thrive, only to meet this horrible, needless end. So, please tell me, how do I get over the rage that I feel toward the heartless vet who would not help him, my own guilt, and the pain of his loss?

Denise,

Although nothing can ease or take away the pain, sorrow and anguish you feel for Jack, nor does it seem like anything will lessen the anger you have for the vet, maybe you could find a small amount of comfort in knowing that the bond that was shared between the two of you cannot be replaced nor compared... this is one of the most precious gifts you could possibly give one another. The gift of your love, heart, spirit and soul. The comfort will come in the remembering... feeling his spirit with you and knowing the years spent together made both of your lives better. There is no way to prepare for the passing of a beloved, whether it is known in advance or unexpected, however, I've come to realize that if you are there with them when they pass, the actual spiritual passing, ultimately, is one of the most beautiful moments... you were there with him, together... hopefully, you will find this eventually as well. Remember that you were taking the action out of love to provide Jack comfort... with the new pony and by being there with him that day and all of the other blessed days you had together, providing for him out of love.
Regarding the vet, maybe the reason they couldn't come was because they were saving another beloved pet at the time... and whether or not that is the real reason, let it be for you. The vet(s) will have to live with their actions or nonaction for the rest of their life. While I would never wish ill-will for anyone, karma is a powerful thing.
Wishing you love, comfort and solace...

Denise-I'm so sorry about your loss and the way it ended. I can only imagine your rage and guilt. I have horrible guilt about how the last days of my dogs life went. I didn't handle it right and can't change a thing-that's the hard part. He had been sick for a long time, I had months to prepare, but when I knew the time came I went on autopilot and never really said goodbye. My husband repeatedly reasons me through it. But, when I read your situation I feel like I'm in his shoes and it's so obvious that you did nothing wrong. It was simply an accident. It don't know horses, but you do and decided the bring the pony for companionship because of your love for him. You couldn't have know there would be a freak accident. Aren't you glad you were there when it happened!!!! It's so horrible, but you were there to comfort him. To not have been there and wonder what happened would be so much worse. You were there for him and did everything you could have. As for the vet, that's on her/him. If they didn't make housecalls maybe they didn't know horses and were at a loss. The what if of this situation will eat you up if you let it. You can't, we can't, because it doesn't change a thing. It's been 3 months and I'm working through it with limited success, so maybe I'm no help. A previous entry said the end was only an inch of our life with them. I'm going to hang onto that and try to remember the good. We really don't have a choice. I sound braver than I feel, but I really take comfort in all of the entries. It helps me to talk and talk about it. I think about counseling since not everyone understands. I really need to talk about it, maybe that would help you to. To be heard! I hear you and I feel your pain and I'm sorry.

Denise-I'm so sorry about your loss and the way it ended. I can only imagine your rage and guilt. I have horrible guilt about how the last days of my dogs life went. I didn't handle it right and can't change a thing-that's the hard part. He had been sick for a long time, I had months to prepare, but when I knew the time came I went on autopilot and never really said goodbye. My husband repeatedly reasons me through it. But, when I read your situation I feel like I'm in his shoes and it's so obvious that you did nothing wrong. It was simply an accident. It don't know horses, but you do and decided the bring the pony for companionship because of your love for him. You couldn't have know there would be a freak accident. Aren't you glad you were there when it happened!!!! It's so horrible, but you were there to comfort him. To not have been there and wonder what happened would be so much worse. You were there for him and did everything you could have. As for the vet, that's on her/him. If they didn't make housecalls maybe they didn't know horses and were at a loss. The what if of this situation will eat you up if you let it. You can't, we can't, because it doesn't change a thing. It's been 3 months and I'm working through it with limited success, so maybe I'm no help. A previous entry said the end was only an inch of our life with them. I'm going to hang onto that and try to remember the good. We really don't have a choice. I sound braver than I feel, but I really take comfort in all of the entries. It helps me to talk and talk about it. I think about counseling since not everyone understands. I really need to talk about it, maybe that would help you to. To be heard! I hear you and I feel your pain and I'm sorry.

I lost my boston terrior of 11 years in january and I thought I was the only one that felt the same as MAJ Lew Mashburn. I also regreted that shot. I too felt like I killed my best friend. I just cant get past it. She was the love of my life and I will never forgive myself for not knowing how sick she was before it was too late. I cry everyday and like MAJ Lew Mashburn, I felt I killed her. I have never felt such pain.

I lost my boston terrior of 11 years in january and I thought I was the only one that felt the same as MAJ Lew Mashburn. I also regreted that shot. I too felt like I killed my best friend. I just cant get past it. She was the love of my life and I will never forgive myself for not knowing how sick she was before it was too late. I cry everyday and like MAJ Lew Mashburn, I felt I killed her. I have never felt such pain.

I got a beautiful b/w bicolor Persian, the runt of the litter, named her Gumdrop-she had a black spot under her chin on a sea of pure white; in 1979. She went everywhere with me. I was a college freshman at 17-one of those brainy ones. She rode in my '66 Chevelle with me-sat on the back of my bucket seat perched beside my head-people got the biggest kick out of it. I moved to the S. part of the state I live in & she went w me. Saw me thru a divorce, nursing school, 2 kids, my dad's death, & so much more. My best friend & more. Sat right beside me thru all those papers, studying for exams, sitting up with toothaches, thru all the spring tornado/storms etc-I am terrified of storms, etc. Hallowe'en morning 1992 I got up & found her gone-broke my heart. I cried for 2 days-my husband couldn't understand all that fuss over a cat; but she wasn't just any cat. She was my best friend-she was always with me-listened to me, had this little chirping sound she made like she was answering me & knew just what I was saying. I didn't get another cat for almost 2 years. Now I have another one, "Baby" that I have had for 10 years-I know that one day in the not so distant future I will probably deal with the same heartbreak-but God willing I will see them both in Heaven. In the meantime I love Baby just like I loved Gumdrop-& if the time comes to put her down, I will rather than let her suffer. It is the humane thing to do-God gave us all animals under our control & it's our responsibilty not to let them suffer, but to care for them as they have been loyally loving to us. You all did the right thing by your pets.

I am heartbroken over losing my dog Jake, a lab newfoundland mix about 11. He was pound dog for about 3 months when I finally decided "that poor dog needs a home!" .. He gave me so much joy for the next 6 years. He was a devoted, loyal constant companion. He would dance and spin around when he knew he was going for a ride, or a walk. He greeted me every am, and came running when he saw my car pull in at night. I am lost without him. He was so special.

I lost the best companion I have ever had last Friday (March 7, 2008). Harley, a 19 year old Kiger Mustang had been part of my family for five years. I purchased him from a neighbor to be a companion horse for my Quarter Horse, Booker. I never imagined the bond that would develop between Harley and I. He was caught as a five-year old by the BLM here in Oregon, sold at one of their adopt-a-horse auctions and unfortunately ended up with someone who did not understand the Mustang at all. They thought they could just bring him home; gear him up and ride til days end. If any of you has ever been around or owned Mustangs; it just doesn't work that way. He was broken to ride but abused by his original purchaser whom I found out later was a woman. When I bought him; he had stood idle with two other horses in a pasture, eating until he resembled something like a whiskey barrel with legs. Knowing that being obese is not healthy for any horse I began trying to retrain him. He did not trust me at all and save for feedings I felt he wished I would just die and disappear from his life. As time progressed, I spent two-three hours a day with him in a round pen; not approaching or asking anything of him; just to get him used to my smell and the sound of my voice. Within two months, he did not object to my company and actually wanted to compete for my attention with Booker. Eventually, as I was able to ride him (not without being tossed a few times) and found him to be a terrific, instinctive riding companion. We traversed miles of BLM trails around our property and through the five years I owned him, we came to love and trust one another. Last Wednesday, I noticed he was not his usual self; he didn't really want to eat and drank minimally. By Thursday, he had started to shiver and paw at the ground. I blanketed him and I spent all night with him in the barn and that Friday morning I phoned the vet. He was sweating profusely and refused to relax. When I hugged him, he put his head over my shoulder and pulled me tighter against him. I walked him into our grassy front yard and sat with him, waiting for the vet to arrive. When she did a preliminary examination, she told me that my precious Harley had a twisted intestine. She laid out the options (surgery or euthanasia). Not concerned with the cost; I asked if she felt he could recover from the trauma of the invasive procedure. She felt that he probably would not last the trip to Oregon State University without rupturing and if he did; he may not survive the surgery. Not wanting to subject him to any more pain, I walked him out to what would be his final resting place and told him repeatedly that it was all right; that he didn't have to hold on and fight for me anymore. When he went down finally, with his head in my lap, my vet told me that she had never seen an animal in such pain without lying down and giving in. She told me that he was the toughest horse she had ever seen. My father-in-law told me that he held on for me. I, like others on this site, grieved more for this horse than either of my parents or my Quarter Horse when Nevicular disease finally took him last year at age twenty-two. I thought Harley would always be with me; that his death would likely come after mine because that ingrained Mustang spirit would live on well beyond mine. That Mustang spirit enabled him to hide his pain from me although the vet says no matter when it was revealed it would have been too late. My problem now is I cannot stop seeing him everywhere. I smell him on my jackets and his blanket; I even hear him nicker when I go out in the mornings. I beg God daily to just give him back. How can I overcome this sense of loss? I was told by trainers and other vets that what I accomplished with Harley (through patience and love) was something no other person could ever have done given his abusive past but because of my abusive past, in Harley I had found a kindred spirit. He made me become a stronger person and now I am lost without the strength he provided me with and without his infinite love for me. Other horse people have told me that they never had a relationship with their horses like the one Harley and I shared. I miss it and sob daily because I can't get one of his infamous "Harley" hugs now. I can't even visit his grave yet. I know that horses are but on loan to us from God and I know I did the right thing in putting him to sleep and ending his pain. But please, can someone offer me a chance for solace; lend me some sort of ease from this pain. Offer some sort of advice on what I might do. My husband doesn't understand this; my grief. It seems only my cats do. Anything any of you could provide I will greatly appreciate. Thank you. Shauna

When I had to have my beloved Missy put to sleep after a battle with cancer, I grieved for weeks. Eventhough I know it was the best thing for her, she could not breathe and wasn in so much pain. I still cry and it's been 3 years. She had taken my heart and no other pet could ever replace her. Two years ago we adopted Casper a male Bicheon from an animal shelter and he is my buddy, my pal. I don't sleep well if he is not by my side. But I could not get another pet until I got ahold of my grieving over Missy. I still have her pictures everywhere. I visit her grave in our back yard several times a week. She was a very special baby and will always have a place in my heart. I wish there were support groups to help with the pain after the loss of a beloved pet. It would have helped me so much.

When my dog died, I adopted within a week. I was not ready to adopt, but now I know if I had not adopted quickly, I would have put it off and probably would not have. I would have made excuses waiting for the right time. It took me a year to totally accept her and not feel like I had forsaken my dead pet, but I did the right thing for ME.

In September 2007 I lost my beloved akita "Kota" very unexpectedy due to a ruptured prostate. I rushed him to the emergency clinic on Sunday and emergency exploratory surgery was performed on him the next day by my longtime veterinarian but to no avail. He held on for one more day after the surgery but was just too ill to make it through. He too was my lifetime companian and was always there when I needed him the most. He was the one whom I came home and cried to when I lost both my mother and father a few years ago. He was always there to listen and never questioned my need for his support. My only hope is that he understood that I was truly trying to help him by having the surgery performed because he was in intense pain when I visited him the next day when allowed after the procedure. I will never forget the whailing and the moaning that he was doing when I arrived to check on him. I tried to comfort him as best that I could by stroking his head and softly talking to him to calm him down. About an hour after my second and last visit with him my veterinarian called to say that he had just passed away. Even six months after his death I still think of him constantly. I will never forget the impact this dog had on my life by always proudly being my constant companion. Nine months before his death, he accepted into our family a stray pit/boxer mix that he found on the other side of our fence, crying and half starved because someone had dumped him off to fend for himself. The akita breed does not take well to other male dogs of any kind. But my gentle "Kota" took him under his wing and presided as a father figure over this new family addition. Looking back, I can only fathom that he knew that his days on earth were numbered and "George" was sent here to try to ease the pain of his passing. My reason in writing this is to pay tribute to my fallen companion "Kota" who will never be replaced. Since his death, I have acquired another akita "Malachi" because of the wishes of my family. I did this to honor my fallen friend and comrad and to forever keep his memory alive. I will never forget you my "Kota" bear.

Dear Shauna,

Do not let the loss of your beloved friend eat you up. Believe me I am living proof of what grief can do to a person. I have searched every internet site for six months to find out what sign that I missed in the death of my beloved akita. He was fine in the morning for his walk and then two hours later he was gravely ill. I have had numerous talks with my vet as to what I may have missed but he says that I did everything possible and did not miss anything. He told me that this is only the second case that he had seen like my dogs and this kind of illness does not take long to progress to very grave stages. You did not miss anything with you mustang, you are only guilty of loving an animal more than most people could ever imagine. Do not continue to blame yourself, you may never find an answer, sometimes things just happen and we will never know why until we reach the other side. You just have to accept the things that you are unable to change. But one day you may find the answer where you least expect it. Maybe in the future you are destined to discover another animal that someone no longer had any use for and discarded as garbage but it may be your answer to inner happiness and a wonderful life for an unwanted animal. Just don't blame yourself because you did nothing wrong, you are only guilty of loving something very special and dear to only you. And yes my husband does not understand my hurt to the extent that I am experiencing it. I too cry to my cats and also to my other dog. I did get a new puppy because of the wishes of my child and husband. I will never use this puppy to replace the great friend that I lost but I can give him much love and companionship that he is entitled to and in time will love him probably just as much as my beloved "Kota". It will just take some time, after all time does heal. It dosen't take away all the pain but it has a way of easing it in it's own way. I will pray for you and please do the same for me, I too still deal with my guilt everyday and everynight. I know deep in my heart that "Kota" would have wanted my new puppy to experience all the love that he was able to have over his lifespan. Thank you for listening. Kathy

Dear Shauna,

Do not let the loss of your beloved friend eat you up. Believe me I am living proof of what grief can do to a person. I have searched every internet site for six months to find out what sign that I missed in the death of my beloved akita. He was fine in the morning for his walk and then two hours later he was gravely ill. I have had numerous talks with my vet as to what I may have missed but he says that I did everything possible and did not miss anything. He told me that this is only the second case that he had seen like my dogs and this kind of illness does not take long to progress to very grave stages. You did not miss anything with you mustang, you are only guilty of loving an animal more than most people could ever imagine. Do not continue to blame yourself, you may never find an answer, sometimes things just happen and we will never know why until we reach the other side. You just have to accept the things that you are unable to change. But one day you may find the answer where you least expect it. Maybe in the future you are destined to discover another animal that someone no longer had any use for and discarded as garbage but it may be your answer to inner happiness and a wonderful life for an unwanted animal. Just don't blame yourself because you did nothing wrong, you are only guilty of loving something very special and dear to only you. And yes my husband does not understand my hurt to the extent that I am experiencing it. I too cry to my cats and also to my other dog. I did get a new puppy because of the wishes of my child and husband. I will never use this puppy to replace the great friend that I lost but I can give him much love and companionship that he is entitled to and in time will love him probably just as much as my beloved "Kota". It will just take some time, after all time does heal. It dosen't take away all the pain but it has a way of easing it in it's own way. I will pray for you and please do the same for me, I too still deal with my guilt everyday and everynight. I know deep in my heart that "Kota" would have wanted my new puppy to experience all the love that he was able to have over his lifespan. Thank you for listening. Kathy

This is a memorial I built for my Rufus.

Your Rufus would have been so proud!

MAJ Lew Mashburn,
I understand how you feel about not forgiving yourself or the doctor who injected LC. Over 4 years ago, I had my 9 year old ferret, Simone, euthanized due to an incurable disease. She had lived with it for years, thanks to injections and medication, but she finally collapsed. I still feel terrible and like it was the wrong choice, even though there was nothing else I could have done. She wouldn't have lived much longer, and she was definitely in pain. I held her while they did it, and it was the roughest thing I ever had to do.
I guess I don't like having to make that choice, but I suppose that's the responsibility we as caregivers must accept.
It's nice to know that others feel like I do, that they're more than just "pets." For me, love isn't something you can just replace.

When I was a child we had a dog that stayed mostly outside, I really didn't interact with him(Rags) much, he lived a long time before my parents had to put him down. After I was married and had two children we had a couple of kittens, and one dog.....still the same they didn't get much from me...well fast forward to 1997, my second wife and I bought a new house, I would go to the Sheetz store on my way to school, I am a teacher, we were looking for a dog and through friendly conversation with one of the Sheetz employees, whom rescued lost or unwanted animals, she told me that she had just acquired a female Lab/Dane mix, I told my wife about "Annie". We went to meet her, and it was the luckiest day of our lives. It was love at first sight, we were lucky to have her for 12 years she passed 2 weeks ago, she contracted pneumonia we couldn't get her to the vet untill monday,I wish now we would not have not left her overnight, our vet wanted to put her on IV meds and we thought we just had to give our girl another chance,she did not make it through the night...such a quandry...I now wish we would have brought her home so we could have been there to comfort our girl as she left us....Annie was almost human to us, she was just a wonderful companion, and friend. We had her cremated.we just received her ashes yesterday. whwn we would go for a walk in the woods as soon as we got home she would dance until I opened her treat box and her a chew,so her urn fit in her treat box so she is in one of her favorite things. the day we got her back I took her for a walk as we did nearly every afternoon, we walked the same path we did daily, I talked to my girl the whole time and cried like a child. I and my wife will miss her till the day we die.

On March 2 2008, I lost the cat love of my life, Gigi.
She was a longhair calico, with huge double paws and green eyes, and the longest white eyelashes. She was born in my closet so I had her ever day of her too-short life. (not quite 4 years)
That fateful Sunday was a beautiful sunny day, the first one in ages, and I decided to put all 3 cats outdoors. I thought it would be good for them after being cooped up so much all winter. We live on a farm on an isolated road, where maybe 3-4 cars go by all day. Later that afternoon when I called them, only two came in.
My beautiful girl got hit that day, and my neighbor found her. He stopped by while I was doing dishes in the kitchen and asked if we knew anything about "a big calico cat". I will never forget the shock and grief of that moment, and the hours that followed that. I held my dead baby, sobbed, rubbed her big huge cold paws, and loved her for the last time while my poor husband sadly looked on. She was my precious angel, and I will never get over her.
I'm not proud to say I have lost 4 grandparents, uncles, aunts, a cousin to 9/11, a dear friend to suicide, yet I have never cried so much, so hard, for so long. The pain is unbearable sometimes; she was my darling, so sweet, so funny, with so much personality and "cattitude"....... and I'll never get over her. The guilt pains me so much - if only I hadn't put them out she would be here with us... I miss her every moment of every day. I relate to all the posts on this site - thank you so much for sharing your grief - at least it helps to not feel so alone.

Everything happens for a reason, even having to give up your pet to old age and disease. I think God was preparing me to deal with aging parents and death through experiencing my cat, Patty, survive a year or so of diabetes. She was 18 when she eventually went blind, had tumors on her spine and put out so much urine, her kitty litter floated. My husband and I tried to take her to the vet to end the suffering twice, but chickened out both times. But, the night I got home from work and realized she could no longer see, I got the courage to take her to the vet the next morning. The vet that I saw that morning was a female, and she handled everything with so much compassion. I was determined to hold Patty until the end, and I did. It did not take long for the shot to work, and I was able to feel the life go out of her body and a peace come over her. No more pain... I cried and cried and told her that I was sorry. My husband rubbed my back, and I think he was probably crying, too. I wanted to bring her home to be buried, but he couldn't bear to do it, so we left her there. We stayed with her for several minutes after she died. I covered her body up in a blanket and started to leave the room, but had to go back and say goodbye just once more. I thought that was the hardest thing that I would ever have to do in my life, but recently I realized why God put me through all of that pain. My sister got killed in an automobile accident only 5 weeks ago. Because of the experience with Patty, my ability to deal with that tragedy was a lot easier. I don't compare Patty to my sister by any means, but losing someone or something you love and are close to always tares a hole in your heart.

I got another cat within 2 months after Patty's death because my house was so quiet it hurt my ears. I am a true cat person and love my Devon Rex, B'Elanna, to pieces! I hope she lives to be 18 years or more, just like Patty. That's a lifetime of kitty cat love!

hi my name is laura and were pet lovers. we have 3cats 2dogs 4love birds 10cokatails 5hamsters and dont plan on getting rid of any of them one cat weve had 10 yrs there well all super loved verry deepley they all eat well tabel scrapes to any way we have just the right amount of pets but when they do start dieing they will be buried in the back yard we dont believe in t he people who put there pets on the internet after 2 yrs of haveing it.........

I love animals, my dog "Colita" a golden retriever was gone in a week, with kidney feilures,I cry so much that I couldn't talk for a whole day, that was so hard inside my heart that I couldn't believe it that was happening to me. I move from south florida to central florida and I want another dog, another golden retriever but instead I adopted two cats, the most wonderful cats that anybody dream off, right now one is next to my computer and the other one on my bed, like dogs they follow me anywhere I go, even at the shower. Thank God for Pets.

I am crying as I am reading all these entries. I've had a number of animals over my lifetime and I've loved them all, but one was my special girl, a cat named was Spitfire She had to leave me because of kidney failure. She was only 9 years old. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I still cry, and it's been 4 years. She was taught to go outside in a harness and keep me company in the yard. She talked with me, gave me so much joy. I miss her so much. I have 4 cats now, one elderly, and she's not in the greatest health. All you can say is how you give them your love, and they love you unconditionally. They give us all comfort, and we can note imagine our lives without them. I always think I don't want to hurt this much ever again, but I know another day will come and I will feel the same way. God bless all for the care you give each and every one of them, and thank God for the wonderful companionship that they've given us.

Dealing with our family dog's death was in some ways more difficult than the death of my father. In searching for some hope of an afterlife for animals, on-line I came across an article regarding Lynn and her near-death experience (just search with "Lynn near-death" and it will pop right up). It has been such a comfort for me. Her pets were just a small part of her experience, but it gave me real hope that our dear animals' energy lives on and we'll all be together one day. God Bless you all.

I read these entries with eyes flowing and remember this crazy cat that I lived with named "Amos". My best friend ever. What a bobtail cat he was and so filled with love for me he actually made a date very jealous one evening! He sat uo like a human and watched TV with me, slept with me, ate when I did and had the greatest knowledge of my sadnesses and illnesses and today I still think that he healed me more than any modern medicine. Amos was taken as a result of the BAD CATFOOD by Menu Foods, who by the way still has not said they were even sorry! I stayed with him until his last breath and he knew I was there. Just before he left this world and crossed into the other, he cuddeled himself as best he could up to me and meowed "Mama", I will live and love that sound forever. He was the best ever. I miss him so much, he was my rock, never left me and somehow I think he is still here, healing me again.

Hello Everyone with a Big Heart. Yes he tears are flowing for the special pets we all just read about. I had my childrens & my GUS GUS for over 17 years. When My children all left home I was so greatful for the fact I had My Baby My Best Friend My GUS GUS. I could write pages of How My Special friendship with GUS GUS developed over he years but he was my lifesaver when I finally lived with no children & GUS GUS was my constant companion every waking & sleeping moment. But he became ill one night & I was traumatized when he was hardly breathing & lay by his food & water without even tying to eat or drink.He had kidney failure with blood all over my floor. It was then i ociked up my GUS GUS & he was so light as a feather I knew he was going to die. Well My GUS GGUS was poisioned with tin cat food. I still have the two remaining tins in my fridge waiting for menu foods or whomever to put in the press whom do we call to make a claim. Yes Guus Gus was creamated & sits on my brass & glass shelving unit. I talk to him daily & cry alot as well.If anyone has he address to make this Claim & yes he two remaining tins are the same poisioned food my GUS GUS Consumed that night. So here is the evidence but the pain will never go away. I lost a son to SIDS & have two girls whom on St. Patrick's Day whom will be 21 & 36. But my 36 yr old is dying of lung cancer & for her & her family's comfort they have 6 dogs & 3 cats. When one is dying they need to feel loved. Yes it was her broher whom died of sids as well.
Thank You Everyone For aking this time to share with me & I'd like to say hat our family's geritage is scotch. english & Irish & am I ruly Blessed to have two daughters born on March 17th many years apart. My son also on his own has two very precious dogs he rescued & as he says hey are his babies.

I rescued an abandoned young pregnant cat who had lost all 7 of her babies. I brought her to the cet and they told me that she has feline leukemia. They also told me that she should be put to sleep but I said no as I want to spend time with her before I make my decision. I had to take her back to get her shots and spayed first before she gets really sick. A month later, she wasn`t feeling well as I can tell by her tears in her eyes were watering. I decided to take her back to the vet. When she was at the vet , they told me that she is in a lot of pain that her head hurts bad which means she is stuffering and it is time to put her to sleep. So I held her for awhile , kiss her, pet her and cried as I didn`t want to say good-bye as it is so hard for me but I had to let her go. The vet came in and gave her a needle to make her sleepy first before I was ready for them to put her down. They told me that after they gave her a needlet to put her down, they check her heart beat and told me she was gone. I told them that I want her ashes and she will have a private creamation. Now I have her ashes and put it in the cabinet where I keep all my angels. I will always remember her being with the angels playing among the stars at night and hope to see her again someday.

As I went to this page to read what it was about, I never intented to read all of the entries. I found my self reading them one by one and crying for the lose of your pets as I did for my own. My very own first cat was 19 years old when I had to make that horrible decision to put her to sleep. She had a stroke at the vets office by being scared by a dog barking loudly. She was old and having a small heart problem but that did her in. My vet said the words that stay with me till this day and I'll say them to all of you. When the quality of a life is gone, it's time to end the suffering. I loved her so much and never wanted her to suffer as she did those last 2 days, not eating while I syringed water into her. My vet was so loving and kind she came to my home to put her down. I buried her in a cemetery where my baby who died of SIDS several years before was buried. I had that cat longer then I had my only child. I didn't want anymore animals or children I was so tramatized. Two months later my friends were going through a bad divorce and didn't want to take care of their cat who had a eye sticking out of it's face like a golf ball. I took it to a vet and it was so infected they had to remove it. I took custody of the cat and she was fine for several years even went blind in the other eye and continued to thrive. She was an amazing loving cat, until right before the big pet food killings came out of china. She had been eating a canned food that was on the list and went into kidney failure. I tried to give her dialysis but she didn't like getting it. I was working for Renal doctors at the time and consulted with them and my vet. I chose to let her go uremic and pass away quietly, except for my cries. Again I swore I couldn't do this anymore to myself. I found myself praying for guidance again from GOD as to why this happened. HIS answer to me was to help animals, just like HIS answer to my daughters death was to help other babies and parents. I volunteered and then managed a rescue group for 2 years and now have 4 cats from it. I work in a animal hospital and just completed training as a NJSPCA agent to fight animal abuse. My GOD has used me in many situations to help people and animals. The most satisfying is helping animals who have no voice and stand up for them in hour of need. I hope my story encourages someone on this page to help the animals who need us everyday.
GOD Bless you all.

I lost a little Yorkie about 4 years ago. He was a sweet little boy and he was only 8 months old. He was my first puppy and I had never experienced the love of a dog before so I didn't quite understand what it felt like to lose one. He was out one night going to the bathroom and the neighbors dog got a hold of him and killed him. It was the most horrible feeling in the world to lose the little guy. A friend of mine send me a poem that I found comforting and I hope it comforts some of you. And by the way, I now have another Yorkie named JJ that will be 4 at the end of the month and he's so special. He made the healing process much easier for me.

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

I think this poem by Caro Schubert-James says it all:

Sorrow fills a barren space;
you close your eyes and see my face
and think of times I made you laugh,
the love we shared, the bond we had,
the special way I needed you -
the friendship shared by just we two.

The day's too quiet, the world seems older,
the wind blows now a little colder.
You gaze into the empty air
and look for me, but I'm not there -
I'm in heaven and I watch you,
and I see the world around you too.

I see little souls wearing fur,
souls who bark and souls who purr
born unwanted and unloved -
I see all this and more above -
I watch them suffer, I see them cry,
I see them lost, I watch them die.
I see unwanted thousands born -
and when they die, nobody mourns.

These little souls wearing fur
(Some who bark and some who purr)
are castaways who - unlike me -
will never know love or security.
A few short months they starve and roam,
Or caged in shelters - nobody takes home.
They're special too (furballs of pleasure),
filled with love and each one, a treasure.

My pain and suffering came to an end,
so don't cry for me, my person, my friend.
But think of the living - those souls with fur
(some who bark and some who purr) -
And though our bond can't be broken apart,
make room for another in your home and your heart.

HI, This month has been extremely hard for my family. Approximately, two weeks ago I had to put to sleep my beautiful Siamese Tai Chi. She developed a brain tumor and began to seizure and stop eating. Eventhough I was extremely sad and crying the moment she passed with the injection I felt this incredible sense of peace. This incredible phenomenon also occured. She filled out and was absolutely beautiful as if she was not sick or dehydtated. We put her in her favorite "hello Kitty" blanket and basket and buried her by our English Sheepdog Moosie. They were great friends in life. Today, We have a 14 year old Jack Russell Barley who is in endstage liver failure and is having difficult breathing and will join our pals in the next day or so. It is so hard to watch these little pals suffer and to let them go. So everybody Please keep us in your prayers. Ellen Matta

its seems a though it was yesterday when i had rocky put to sleep. He was 18 and had cancer and i didnt want him to suffer. but from the day he left us I haven"t been the same. I really don"t think I ever will I miss him more and more as time goes on and not even another dog has been able to help in my sorrow for my rocky. I even tryed some help from outside the home, but still I long for my old dog rock. Do you have any hope for me. I miss him so much.

hi i have lost my shih tzu named gizmo he was 1/12 years old when he passed away not sure what he died of he had congested lungs and nose and coughing a little losse of apptiet vomiting diahreah shivers very sick took him to the vet they said he had a bactrial infeaction gave him something for his appitte and a antibotices and sent him home well 3 days later he was still real sick no inprovements so i call the vet to see what i needed to do and they said they would call me back so while waiting on them to get back to me my little gizmo gets up collapses on the floor under my computer desk has a seziure and stops breathing for about 5 minutes he starts breathing again called the vet back they said bring him right in so i did got him to the vet they said they will take him straigt back and hook him to ivs to get some fluids in him and they came back out said his blood sugar was low and his tempature was low and they ask me to wait around for an hour to make sure he is going to be ok well an hour passed by and they said he was doing great they got his tempature and sugar back to normal and he is dong great with his fluids and the vet said they wonted to keep him over night to make sure they kepp his temp sugar and fluids up so i said ok they said i can leave now he was holding his little head up so i left thinking hes ok well 5 hours later after leaveing him at the vet the vet calls and says gizmo died the vet said gizmo had a seziure and passes away and i did not have the money to run test to see what his cause of death was the vet said it seems like he had the distemper.i hate not knowing what he died of.i thought he just had a bactrial infeaction that a antibotices would take care of thats what the vet told me too.i miss him so much its only been 2 weeks this thursday since hes died.he is burried in my back yard i look out side and i know hes here with me.he was so smart and sweet he loved to go outside to play even up to the day he died he wold get up and go pee-pee and dododo on his pad are outside he never forgot his training no matter how sick he was.i just wished i had more time to spend with him a year and a half wasnt enough time.i felt like i did not do enough for him. in loveing memorey of gizmo.

Today my family and I lost a fur member of our family. My loving Outlaw had to leave us. My Cutie-Patootie Chinese Pug had a hard last two months. He had the starting of a collapsed trach. and on medication. His cough, anxity and uncomfortableness was getting to my 13-1/2 year old kid. I have mourned this progression for the last six month. I have read and checked everything I could on how to cope with the loss of unconditional love. If he only felt a tiny fraction of the love he gave to me, he was a very happy little man. I do know in my heart he is not feeling the pain he only felt a few hours ago. I will miss him every minute of the rest of my life, but I do know we will see each other again. Bye Outlaw, I'll see you later. Mom

Yesterday as soon as i came home i noticed something was wrong i got into the house and discovered my beloved kitten Louie had been accidently killed just a few hours before i came home . Louie had been a christmas present for me and my little sister and had only been with us about 4 months and although we have only had him for a small time i miss him deeply and have experienced pain i have never felt for any of my other animals , Louie was a special boy and will always have a space in all of my family's hearts . So rest in peace little fella and ill miss u lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Friday, April 18th I put my beloved German Shepherd Schultz to sleep. He had lost his appetite and was starting to vomit after eating. The dog loved to eat. I took him to the vet and when she pressed on the side of his abdomen he vomited. Upon x-rays it was determined that he had an agressive growing cancer of the speen. It was 12 inches and was pressing on his stomach and there was little room for his organs. She also did a chest x-ray and he had spots on his lungs. I feel guilty because I should have took him sooner to the vet. She said that surgery and chemo would not help because of the agressive mass. We had two options, putting him to sleep or pain killers and anti-inflamatories. The down side to the later, with the size of the cell it could burst and he could bleed internally. If I could have taken a sabatical at work and stayed with him until the end believe me I would have. I just didn't want him to suffer. I feel guilty and cannot stop crying.

Hi,
On Tuesday, July 1, I let my two mini dash hounds out to dotheir business, we live in the country, at 8:10am. At 8:20 there was a knock on the door, I wondered who it could be so early in the morning? When I answered the door a women was standing there pointing down at the doorstep, and there was my poor little Guy, she had hit him. I fell to my knees crying for my son, she told him she thought he was still alive and my son tried giving him mouth to mouth, but there was nothing to be done for him.
My other dog was with him and we could not find him for two and a half hours, the lady that hit Guy left with out as much as a sorry, I think she may have felt it was our own fault for them being out with out someone. But we thought that Chapter must have been hit to and had gone of somewhere to die as well.
Thank god we found him, alive but so scared and he was Guy's brother, they have never been with out each other. He is so lonely. I have never experienced pain like this, I have cried everyday since, I cant stop thinking about
guy, He is everywhere I look, and Chapter is a reminder of Guy everytime I look at him I expect to see Guy. I feel so guilty, I let them out, and our dogs usally never went on the road, the pain in my heart is so bad I dont think I will ever get over this
Now I am trying to decide weather to get a new dog for my little Chapter and myself, but it has only been 5 days, should I wait longer? I dont want to make a mistake, I feel I may want another dog to replace Guy because I am trying to get him back. I am so confused is there anyone out there who can help me, I am so lost?

Does anyone else have trouble sleeping at night? This is when my grief is the most raw. During the day I have to work, so I go on autopilot to get what needs to be done accomplished. Being at home is hard. We had to put our gentle, sweet whippet, Morgan to sleep at the end of May due to kidney failure at age 11. As you all know and experience-- we were bonded together in a wonderful way. The rest of the family loved her madly too, of course, but the connection Morgan & I had was the same as has been described in other posts. I don't know why- but I do know it was real. She was diagnosed a year prior and seemed healthy even thought our vet kept telling us Morgan is a very sick dog. I diligently gave her the meds she needed and watched her diet and she stayed on for us for that extra year. Every time the vet saw her she would shake her head and say this dog's blood chemistry says she should be gone. And yet--Morgan did not appear to be suffering any- just had less energy and did more sleeping. It happened quickly--the vet said her BUN levels were right on the verge and when they went over the edge there would be nothing to do. It happened and Morgan knew when it was time to go; she had lost an amazing amount of weight in a short time and stopped eating. I believe she was ready even if I was not. We lost her at the end of May. Three weeks after this, our other dear whippet Wallice who was 14 went down hill rapidly and was having trouble standing and walking. We took her to the vet to check. The vet told us Wallice's heart was failing and she needed to be put down asap. We did not see this coming! Wow- losing two beloved dogs in less than a month has been a gut-punch to me. It takes my breath away sometimes as I am grieving their loss. I appreciate having a forum to share with everyone knowing you understand. I am sorry for your losses--your grief is true and visceral.
Yes-- I am not complete without a dog. We will look for another whippet in a few months. The house is tomb-quiet when I get home now...

I'm in total shock i had a beautiful healthy sweet scottie named buster who did pet therapy in nursing homes for four yrs. He was 8yrs old --- he never had any health problems always went for regular check-ups. On Monday morning he woke up & wet the floor (never did before) I put him out in yard.
My son called me at work & said Buster was panting i said make sure he has plenty of water. When i got home at 7pm i didn't see him I firgured he was down basement with my teenage boys At 9pm I checked him & he was panting heavy & there was vomit with a small amount of red in it. I scooped my baby up & rushed him to the nearest animal hospital.As soon as i arrived they took one look at him & called for someone to come immediately ( that a dog was in duress he was having trouble breathing ) They came running & took him back & started him on oxygen. I had no idea that heavy panting was a sign a dog was in trouble.The dr. said they needed to keep him & run bloodwork & do a ultrascan would show more & it didn't look good. I asked & Please keep him comfortable. The next morning 6am i got the call. The test showed he had cancer everywhere chest-lungs-stomach & he needed to be put down immediately he was suffering we rushed in & I cried like a baby i was losing my baby boy. I didn't have a choice.I don't understand how one day he seemed fine & 2 days later he's dead. I don't know how i will survive he was a part of me always under my feet--everywhere i went if he couldn't come he tried. I wake & he's there & go 2 sleep & he's there. I don't know how i can survive. My heart is broke he never hurt a soul in fact he touched alot of ill elderly people & they loved & looked forward to his visits to the nursing homes. I just wish i knew this was coming- I spent alot of time with my Buster. If i knew i would have spent every single second when i wasn't working. It's only been 15 hrs without him & i'm so crushed. I miss him terribly.Thanks 4 listening.

My pain is very pronounced. I had my "Zoey" for 11+ years. She made it through an operation when she was only 3 years old due to cancer removal on her hip, she came very close to death but made it through. Then after 10 years she had lost her ability to waslk or run due to (the vets said)a disc along her spine. We paid for an operation hoping she would recover with movement. She did not, we had to put a sling around her to help her walk, bought an "Eddie's Wheels" aid for her, she used for a while but didn't want to be put into it starting about 2 months ago so she could only lay on the floor & barely eat her food since she could not reach it easily. We did decide to leave her go just a few days ago, I held her head in my hands & cried while she was being euthanized by the vet, very difficult but I did not want her to go without my love. Still very difficult, I don't know how to deal with this loss, I am struggling very much so. I know some people say it's only a "pet" but there is nothing further from the truth, they love us unconditionally always, I was lucky to have her as long as I did. She will always be missed. Sadly Beverly